Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:07] Speaker B: Today, we are having an interesting conversation about queer people or people that belong to the LGBTQIA community, accessing counseling support, and some of the things to consider when reaching out for counseling with a queer therapist or you might be engaging with therapy with someone that is heterosexual, and maybe some of the things to consider before engaging with that or to be mindful of.
My name is Stuart Sheridan. I'm a mental health social worker and one of the owners of Safe Place Therapy. And I'm here today with Sophie Benante, who is a counselor with Safe Place as well. So welcome, Sophie.
[00:00:53] Speaker A: Right. Thank you. Thanks. I'm happy to be here.
[00:00:55] Speaker B: Yeah. Now, before we get in, I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land in which we meet, the Kulin Nation, and I'd like to pay my respects to elders past, present, and emerging.
And I think there's a really nice segue there, too, that when we are working with clients that we really need to make sure about our. Our history and. And the kind of identities that we line up with, but also our ability with different client presentations, and that's kind of the crux of what we're talking about today.
So. Yeah. What. What is it like for you, Sophie, as a queer therapist, engaging with. With queer people coming to counseling?
[00:01:44] Speaker A: Well, I. I mean, I really love it. I really love working with other queer people. As a queer person myself, I think most of my clients are queer at any given time, which is really great.
And, yeah, it is such an interesting space to work in because our community is so diverse and so broad, but also sometimes can feel small, you know, and so I think that working with all the different kinds of queer folks that come through the door means that it's always kind of. It always stays interesting. Even though I'm a queer person myself and I inhabit a lot of queer communities outside of work, within work, I'm exposed to even more queer communities, which I find really exciting. And I think, Yeah, I think we'll get into it a little bit more as we go along, but being mindful of the identities that I am that I hold and what that means for my clients in terms of what I will be able to relate to and know about their experiences and what I won't know and what I won't be able to relate to and where I might have to do more learning or. Or might have to just own what I don't know.
[00:02:54] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, really good point. And. And maybe just before we jump even further is the word that we're using to kind of encompass the kind of umbrella term here is. Is queer, that identifying as queer. But we are talking about people from the LGBTQIA community.
That's. That's a shorthand word. Some people might be totally okay with that. Some people might not be. And again, language, even in the first se, is really good to cover with a new client who we've never met before and their comfort level or what actually resonates with them as a word that they identify with, or they might not even be quite comfortable with a word yet.
You know, the LGBTQIA rainbow is so broad that there's also a spectrum of that, and there's also different journeys where people might not have identified just yet as. As being queer or gay or. Or what have you. Maybe they're literally just pondering at. Maybe they've. They've never really pondered it or questioned it before, but now they want to come to therapy and actually talk that through.
[00:04:13] Speaker A: Yeah, it's so true. It is a really good point, I think. Good to say that at the start as well, that language is so important and can be so.
Can be so empowering, but can also be so fraught and so queer. Using queer as an umbrella term is. Is just an easy shorthand, especially with, you know, our acronym. Wanting to. Aiming to be inclusive, being a bit. A bit lengthy and mouthy to say it's good to have a good shorthand, but also. Yeah. Acknowledging that not. Not everyone likes having that as a shorthand or uses that term for themselves.
[00:04:47] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. So maybe it might be good to talk about a few examples of quick clients coming to see us and maybe the. The. Some of the examples or the journeys that they've been on that they want to get some help for, and maybe then we can kind of dabble into some of the. The tricky scenarios where they might have engaged with counseling before, but actually engage with a, you know, heterosexual straight person. And that hasn't really gelled. Well, that hasn't really gone.
One example that has come to my mind and has happened time and time again is a queer person goes to a straight counselor at, like, a high school or, like, a university place, and there seems to be this real jump to encouraging people to come out.
And when I. When I've heard those stories from. From queer people, I actually am a little shocked by that, because there's a really big assumption there that coming out is okay, that that person will be safe physically, you know, from. From family or the culture that they're in or, you know, the people around them or even emotional safety where you Know, there might actually be threats of being kicked out of the family home or shunned from their culture or their religion or, you know, their family, you know, their friends not liking them anymore. That is actually still a reality now. Um, so, and, and again, I'm not hinting here that all queer therapists get it, gets it right all the time, but I think there's much more awareness in the community, in the queer therapist community that we really have to be careful about.
Not actually really encouraging anything, actually just sitting and creating safety for that queer person.
Have you had an experience like that so with, with a client sharing that story?
[00:06:50] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, definitely I have. Yeah. I think that it's, you know, as society has become a little more inclusive to queer people, even though that's still very fraught these days, there can be, I think, yeah, a push to come out and just own it and just be proud of yourself and just do it. Live your life, live your authentic life. But it is so complicated. Coming out is such a complicated process and I think there's a, you know, a lot to think through, a lot to think about beforehand. How is it going to impact all these different areas of life and also being aware that it will, I think for most people there will be impacts that you didn't guess when you first did it.
And so I think that, yeah, not, not being too pushy with coming, with coming out, like whether it's other therapists or other people is important. Supporting someone to just explore what it's going to be like for them.
So important. And yeah, definitely have had those experiences where someone have, especially with young people. I think there is something there that we have a lot of, I think maybe we have a lot of concern for young queer people, which is, which makes sense. But yeah, I think there can be a bit of a push there to hurry up and let's come out so that we can include you and accommodate you.
But yeah, the impacts on people's lives can be so far reaching and even just on a very personal, individual level, it can just be scary and very vulnerable time. And if people have other mental health issues going on or other big personal difficulties in their life happening at the same time, that person feeling internally safe, as safe as possible is so important and only they'll be able to determine when they are.
[00:08:38] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. And I think that goes to the crux of what we're talking about today is a straight therapist who might have a queer friend or a sibling that's queer or, or has just been around queer people. Doesn't necessarily mean they know all queer people's story and the risks involved in, in someone coming out or, or even just knowing about internalized queer phobia or really that. That affect queer people.
[00:09:13] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, that's it. And all the. Exactly. All those really subtle ways that it comes across. Like, I know that I've spoken to some straight CIS therapists who think that internalized homophobia just means I hate the fact that I'm queer when it's so much more complicated than that. There can be so many more subtle ways that it presents. It can be.
I mean, it can be someone just minimizing their queerness, kind of acknowledging, yes, I'm queer, but I'm not queer enough because of this and that and the other.
And yeah, so many other ways. And so there, there can be these nuances that a straight CIS therapist might not quite be able to grasp.
[00:09:55] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. And in a similar way, like, I have worked with a few people that are first nations, so they're. They identify that way in, in a. In a first sess. If I'm actually engaging with someone from a different culture, it's really important to name my whiteness, to name that, you know, I am a CIS male, I am queer.
So there are things that I. That I won't fully understand. I'll try my best to understand, but there might be specific things that I don't actually feel that I have the skills or ability to. You know, talking about maybe intergenerational trauma from a First nations perspective is a really specific, traumatizing, complex issue that I actually don't feel comfortable. So if the person wants to work on that, maybe I'm not the right fit. And that needs to be kind of front and center as a therapist for any client that we engage with that we need to consider the client's safety, but also the kind of clinical issues that might arise, that if you delve into that and the person is disclosing or sharing stuff that you get really overwhelmed with really quickly, it can get very messy very easily.
[00:11:14] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, it is so true. Because at the end of the day, it is a relationship between the therapist and the client. Like we do. Yes, we are professional selves in the room with clients, but we are also ourselves. We are still bringing who we are and what, what our background is, what our knowledge, our biases, all those things. We're bringing that into the room. And so, yeah, I think owning. Owning what we know and what we don't know is especially important. And just because, like, we're saying yes, we're queer therapists, so maybe we can understand some queer experiences more. There's still some that we won't like. Whether like really good point you made of a First nations client or someone who has a cultural background I'm not a part of.
You know, I think that owning that is so important. I'm remembering a client who was talking to me about coming out and navigating that whole landscape and there was such a concern about the impact it would have on their relationships with their family, with their immediate family, but also their broader community that their family were a part of.
And I found myself, you know, learning things about that community and about that culture from this client that I didn't know.
And so being I was open with the client, that I wasn't aware of these kinds of views and norms and things like that that existed in that culture and that I was kind of learning from that.
But understanding also that as a queer person who also comes from a background of some conservativism in my, in my family and cultures that I'm a part of, I do get to get that. But even then within each family, within each culture, there's its own version.
[00:12:58] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, for sure. And it's really about taking the time to understand the different family members, you know, that that queer person has their relationship that they have with them, but also what they want long term. So you know, I've, I've definitely even friends of mine who have chosen not to come out to their grandparents, not decided not to have a wedding because with their committed partner simply for the simple fact that they don't want to change that relationship in end parts of their, their grandparents life. And that's been their personal choice, you know, and there's no right or wrong in that. It's, it's a personal choice that that person is making carefully.
And they need people in their corner that, that aren't pushing an agenda or pushing a certain coming out, you know, timeline.
[00:13:54] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, that's such a good point. Yeah. I think I've had clients as well who have chosen to postpone coming out or limited their coming out for the sake of older family members who, I mean one client, it was literally that this grandparent was really elderly and not able to handle stress very well. And so it could potentially be a threat to her health as well as their relationship in this grandparents last years.
And those relationships are really important. I mean family is really important, community is really important. And I think there can be a culture, particularly within white, Western, Anglo, Saxon styles of therapy. This is something I've witnessed, but also that I've heard a lot of people of color talk to me about. People. Clients of color talk to me about where they've experienced white therapists really pushing them to come out and then just cut contact with their family. Because if your family doesn't accept who you are, then they're bad for you and they shouldn't be in your life. And I mean, that's just so. That can be so dangerous to encourage people to do because, I mean, we.
We are social creatures. We need relationships just as much as we need to live our authentic selves. And so finding that middle ground of how. How do you claim this part of yourself but also maintain the support systems and relationships that are really important to you is a delicate balance that we need to be careful of as individuals and as therapists supporting people on that journey.
[00:15:26] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Also that expression of that identity, too, I think a lot of people, a lot of queer clients might freak out about is, you know, when we say come out, when we say be a queer person, that doesn't mean you have to jump on a gay pride float and, you know, wave. Wave your particular flag around. Right. Like, it doesn't have to be, you know, I've got my. Got my rainbow pin. I'm part of the club now. It can be whatever you want it to be or whatever expression that is.
[00:15:56] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. It's so true. There can be so much such pressure to. Yeah. Just become. Become the big rainbow gay or something like that. And I've actually had clients say to me that it took them a while to. Part of why it took them a while to even realize they were queer was that they couldn't relate to that kind of presentation or version of being queer, that maybe they like to wear pretty plain clothes and don't love to go to a parade, you know, and so, yeah, understanding that there's as many queers as there are humans is so important as well.
[00:16:33] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, totally. And, yeah, I think that those words of, you know, taking, for instance, being a queer guy or a gay male, you know, there's a term out there that is men who have sex with men. So to kind of help some clients explore something that might be very, very dangerous or too scary to identify as being queer or bi or gay, there's actually this kind of language out there in the community that maybe not many people realize is you can have sex with a guy and be a guy and not be gay. Right. Or. Or not identify as being bisexual. Like it's actually okay to expl different things and, you know, maintain a certain kind of sexual identity. That's okay.
[00:17:31] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that is okay.
And still. Yeah. Such a valid human experience and doesn't, doesn't nullify your. What you. And if you do identify as straight or something like that, doesn't nullify what your identity is. Yeah. And I think that the, yeah. The fact that we are becoming more fluid with language, making more space for all those different experiences means that people are going to feel. Seen more and people are going to feel safer to be open about their experiences, to, to have the experiences that they want to have and then maybe even talk to their therapist about it and get some support for it.
[00:18:08] Speaker B: Yeah. And yeah, I kind of threw out a little segue there around connecting with other people in a, in a sexual way.
Again, drawing back to a counselor that you may see, it's, it should feel really comfortable that you can talk about sex. Right. So if you are doing that kind of coming out experience or exploring your sexual identity, sex should be okay in a therapy setting. And, and therefore we should think about the person we're going to see and you know, their vibe and their kind of presence in the room with us. But also it's actually okay to throw that out in a first session age.
The therapist's ability, the ability to go there, but also comfort level as well.
[00:18:57] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, that's so true. I totally agree. I think that talking about sex should be okay in the therapy space. And I think that's something that we talk about a lot here at Safe Place.
Trying to be that, trying to be a clinic full of practitioners who are really comfortable talking about sex because it's such an important part of a lot of people's lives. There's, you know, even people on the asexual spectrum who maybe sex isn't a part of their life or maybe it is in some way. It's still something that they have to navigate. In any case, it's so likely that sex is going to come into your life at some point in some way. And being able to talk about that is important because it's a really, it's a vulnerable space as well. And that's another thing that might be easier if you're a queer person. If you go and see a queer therapist, it might just be easier to talk about queer sex with another queer person.
[00:19:48] Speaker B: Yep, yep. And you know, again, I am a CIS male who hasn't had sex with a woman, so I'm I'm not saying that I, you know, know all the intimate details about, you know, sex with a woman, but I'm very okay to sit in that space with someone.
So really kind of, again, owning identity, owning comfort level, but also kind of, you know, naming the gap that might be there for. For some people.
[00:20:17] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's it. And something that, you know, a great straight therapist could definitely navigate well, even if they're not as familiar with what happens in different forms of queer sex.
But yeah, I think that, yeah, owning that is important. But also I'm just remembering a client that was talking to me about sex and talking about things like topping and bottoming and how a straight therapist might not know what that is and it might be a bit of an awkward moment where they go, oh, sorry, I don't really know what you're talking about. A great straight therapist could handle that really well and it could be totally fine. But a benefit of seeing queer therapist is you kind of cancel out some of that awkwardness.
[00:21:02] Speaker B: Yep, for sure. Yeah. Any other examples where it's felt really comfortable for you being a queer therapist? Seeing a queer client, like any other topics or things that just feels easy.
[00:21:15] Speaker A: Thinking about a client or. I think this probably happened with more than one client who are on the kind of coming out journey, not even the coming out journey, but just figuring out what their sexuality or gender identity might be and how there can be, I think for a lot of people, some self doubt that comes in.
Does this really mean that I'm queer? Does this just mean that I. Whatever.
And I think that something that can be useful for me as a queer person in the room with another queer person is that usually we can see queerness in other people, as queer people. We can recognize queerness in others in a kind of just almost implicit way. You can just kind of feel it in someone, you know. And I've drawn on that with clients. You know, I've told them that you, you feel like a queer person. To me, if they're, especially if I'm feeling like they really do feel like they want to own that for themselves, but are just struggling with internalized homophobia, queerphobia, just self doubt, insecurity, things like that, if I'm sensing that's where they're at, that can, that can be really helpful. You know, being seen as queer can be a really wonderful, empowering, validating experience for people. Of course, it can also be really scary in other settings. But in that particular therapy setting where you can see they're really wanting to own it, but just, you know, feeling insecure, having some self doubt, being like, I'm a queer person and I see queerness in you. Yeah. Can be a really, a really wonderful exchange to be a part of.
[00:22:56] Speaker B: Yeah. And yeah, I think sometimes too we get lost in this idea that coming out or you know, sexual identity exploration or gender exploration is, is all just for young people. Right. But we've definitely had, you know, some older people, 40, 50, 60 plus, who they might be in a really transitional part of their life where their relationship is broken down or something's kind of happened and kind of push them into therapy. But it's interesting how that can also line up with.
I've, I've, you know, never had had sex with a same sex person before. I've, I've never identified this, but it's kind of making more sense as I'm engaging with, I don't know, queer film or I've met this new friend.
It can actually be a, a coming out or a change of, of self over time at an older age.
[00:23:57] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's really no rules, isn't it? I feel like I've seen so, so many endless variations of that coming through the door. Different ways that people are, different ages and stages of life, that people are exploring their sexuality or their gender or people who have existed as one type of queer for a really long time and then suddenly they're a whole other kind of queer.
Like I've worked with a lot of trans people who've been existing as gay for a long time, but as they own their transness and come into their, their gender identity, they're realizing that their sexual orientation is changing. And so it's kind of like two areas of queerness that are changing at once also. That can happen at any age. Yep. And I think that's, yeah, that's always a really, I think that kind of coming into queerness, whatever form it's taking in, is always a really exciting space to work in.
[00:24:50] Speaker B: Yeah. And I think there too that, you know, we're, I think the progress, I guess in terms of mental health awareness and the idea of internalized queer phobia is, has kind of come a long way, I think, but also, also kind of intersectionality around my brain is wired differently and I identify as, as being trans or, or queer and how they have you had many examples of that.
[00:25:26] Speaker A: Yeah, definitely.
I think that I couldn't guess on numbers, but a lot of my queer clients also have an experience of neurodiversity, especially autism and adhd There's a lot of overlap between those lived experiences, which is really interesting and you know, I think a space that we're still understanding in the mental health world. There seems to be something there around tendency towards challenging norms. That seems to be some kind of overlap there, but that's, we're still figuring that out in the research. But yeah, another, another good example of how therapists need to be aware of the intersection between those two experiences and how that's, you know, how being ADHD or autism might affect someone's experience of navigating relationships or coming out, like we've talked about, and the other way around as well. How does, how does the potential challenges of being queer factoring into things like, I don't know, autistic burnout, for example?
[00:26:34] Speaker B: Yeah, for sure. And in my experience I've noticed a lot of queer people who might, for some reason, I don't think it's a choice factor here, but they might have identified very early in primary school or high school that they are queer or of, of some description.
But the kind of neurodiversity or the, all the kind of developmental issues going on, mental health issues going on, is kind of pushed back in the back of their brain. And that might actually be like a survival mechanism. You know, I need to get through, I need to come out, I need to do this big journey and connect with people in this, in this new identity. And then later on, say age 20 plus, 30 plus, that's when the kind of, when the person maybe might be a little bit more settled or they' got a new job. That's maybe when they're kind of ADHD or neurodiversity stuff bubbles up for them.
[00:27:33] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I think that's so true. It's almost like sometimes we can only handle one, one big internal, what's the word? Kind of internal conflict or internal discovering that can go on at once, you know, and figuring out your queer is a huge thing to navigate already. And I think especially for some of the folks who, for example, with autism, people who might be classified as level one can get away with, can get away with their neurodiversity for a long time and fly under the radar and push through for a long time. And then sometimes, yeah, it is a little bit later in life as you're often, it seems to be kind of late 20s, early 30s. I think that's a lot of the ones that I see when adult responsibilities are really ramping up. Maybe there's kids, maybe there's career progression to the Point where there's a lot of responsibility. That's when things start to.
Things start to become difficult from the neurodiversity perspective and especially, I mean, especially for that generation. People who are in their late 20s, early 30s now are a little more likely to have been around when it was a little more acceptable to come out as queer. So a little more likely to have already understand some queerness. Not always, though. Definitely not always. But yeah, that kind of figuring out I'm queer than figuring out a neuroendiverse trajectory is really common.
[00:29:07] Speaker B: And yeah, I guess that's that other trap of people assuming that a queer person comes along to see them that, that they are actually aware of all the lingo or, or because they're queer, they are connected with the queer community and, and you know, kind of just fit right in. I suppose sometimes people have maybe even intentionally not engaged with that because they're very scared or worried that, you know, it might open the floodgates of their queerness or, or it might be just really scary for them. So that's another assumption that sometimes people don't know about. Might not know about sex, might not know about sexual health, might not know about, you know, different words or they might have picked a word like asexual, for instance, but that has, they've got to that because they haven't really found a better word that matches what they're going through or, or they kind of connect romantic connection with other people.
[00:30:10] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, that's so true, isn't it? That, yeah, I think, and I think I agree that there can be this assumption that if you're queer, you know, all things queer and you're happy to be exposed. Spokesperson for all things queer yeah, which is so, so not the case. Again, we're needing to own our experiences. But also the level of engagement with queer community is so variable and sometimes that's a tricky thing for people. Sometimes the they want more queer connection, community, connection to queer community, but are struggling to make those connections. That's something where, something where a great therapist can help or sometimes it's just not part of their queer journey to be that connected and that's okay as well.
[00:30:58] Speaker B: And yeah, leading on from that not knowing or knowing. Right. Like I, I hear this very loud and clear from a lot of queer people, especially young people, is it's not our as the queer community to educate other people. Right. So if you're actually turning up in a counseling session trying to build safety, trying to explore and talk about your vulnerabilities, it's actually not your job to educate or fill in the counsellor if they don't know. It's actually the counselor's job to know or to find out more or to actually own. I don't know. And what does that mean for the therapy? What does that mean for what the client's going to get out of that experience?
[00:31:44] Speaker A: Yeah, that's so true. Yeah, I think you're right that it's, it is the job, it is the therapist's job. If they don't know, we gotta go learn, we gotta go Google it or do some training or something like that rather than asking the client to explain it to us all the time. Yeah, and that's definitely one of those what I would call a therapist red flag. If you're a queer person, queer person, seeing a straight CIS therapist and you're finding your, you're always having to explain to them, oh, this is what, what, this is what, I don't know, topping or bottoming means. This is what non binary means. And they're kind of always going to you.
That seems to be their go to way of learning. That's taking space away from you. That means that the exchange is now becoming about them and their needs.
[00:32:25] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. So you, yeah, you're kind of taking up calming out that time in the counseling room to educate them rather than, you know, actually having someone in your corner who gets it and understands it. But even on a big bigger level here, we need to consider that lots of trans and queer people who might be in a straight family, who are in a community that might be really conservative, they're constantly needing to educate and push or correct people around pronouns or say, hey, that's not okay, that's, that's actually transphobic or that's actually queer phobic. To then actually bring that into the counseling room, it's simply not okay. And actually could be a real triggering thing for, for a queer.
[00:33:13] Speaker A: Yeah, it's so true. That's such a good point. Yeah. If you're a queer person, you're often having to do a lot of educating already and that can be a difficult, vulnerable space to sit in.
And so, yeah, not having that come into the therapy space is so important for creating safety for you in that space. I know that also. Another example to throw in there is having to do that at work. I think that's a lot of people, a lot of queer people have to do that, have to be a kind of queer spokesperson at work. I know I've had experiences with that in the past. It's so nice that I don't have to do that here at Safeplace because there's so many of us that are queer and everyone else is so educated on queer issues that it's fine. But yeah, there can be so many different parts of life where we're having to do that or have to kind of take on that burden. Therapy shouldn't be one of them.
[00:34:01] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's so many different bits and bobs to working with a queer person.
And it takes a lot of kind of delicate work to see with their experience, understand the lingo and understand the kind of broader issues that the person might be going on, but really making sure that that client is in the driver's seat and kind of steering where they want to go with that work. Whatever, whatever that looks like.
[00:34:33] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, that's it. I think that's so important with any good, any good therapy, right. Is always really driven by what the client wants, what they need and what they feel is the support that they need rather than a therapist pushing. I think you should do this, I think you should do that.
[00:34:48] Speaker B: I guess another thing too, as I've just been pondering, a queer person might have done the coming out thing, engaged with their family, been in a long term committed relationship and they actually just want to talk about other stuff. I think that can also be just a real comforting thing to go, right? You're queer, I'm queer. Like, let's get into other stuff that might not be related to their identity as well. And that ease of that with another queer person can actually feel a little bit different. I've heard from a lot of queer clients that it's almost like they have to, you know, do some of those hoop jumping of, you know, coming out and, you know, talk about this. And, you know, there's kind of of a bit of a mechanical thing that maybe a lot of straight counsellors might feel that they have to go through. But with a queer counsellor, if the queer client is feeling really comfortable, has an agenda or has some work that is actually not about their identity at all, that's also okay.
[00:35:56] Speaker A: Yeah, that's so true. That's a really good point. Yeah, thanks for bringing that up because, yeah, I think that maybe there can be this assumption that it's something you have to check if people are okay with the fact that they are queer or they're transferring when so often. Yeah, that's not why queer people are going to therapy. They're going for all the other myriad issues of life that can happen.
And so, yeah, I think I, I think, I don't assume that it's an issue unless people bring it up.
It's something that I've heard especially trans clients say if they're just. If therapists become aware that they're trans or whether their clients disclosed, the therapist will kind of ask, is that, is that something you're comfortable and okay with in life? And the person's eye. Yeah, that's fine. That's not what I'm here to talk about.
And that's okay. And that's also, I think can be maybe an easier thing with, with a queer therapist because like the example I gave. Oops. The example I gave earlier of client talking about topping and bottoming, it wasn't about, I'm getting used to queer sex and getting used to topping and bottoming. It was just about the, the issue was sex in their relationship. That was it. We were talking about their relationship. Just happened to use some queer terms there. We weren't actually talking about queerness, we were talking about sex in their relationship. And that was just understood and fine.
And so, yeah, I think that's also. Yeah. Don't feel like you, when you go to therapy, don't feel like you have to talk about your queerness at all if that's not what you want to talk about.
[00:37:22] Speaker B: Yeah. And I just had an idea out there and I'm really curious to know the, the different people who watch this content because you might actually be having a family member who isn't aware of lingo and you actually want to kind of share this link or share this to start educating them or encourage them to reach out for counseling because they're struggling with your identity. Right. Or, or you actually haven't come out to them yet, or you've literally just had that, that tricky conversation, but you're actually wanting that family member or friend or co worker or someone to engage with therapy to educate themselves. Like that's another area of counseling is if this is difficult, if, if queer identity is, is tricky or foreign or weird, it's actually really smart and maybe more mental health friendly for your loved one for you to do that work solo.
[00:38:27] Speaker A: Yeah, that's true. You mean for the other person in their life to do that learning solo? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. I think that can be so much the supportive and loving thing to do is to go and educate yourself rather than again, placing burden on someone who's probably already got enough of that burden happening. It's a real way that we can show love to a queer person in our life is to go and learn so that we can have those conversations with them and understand their experiences better or help them feel seen.
[00:38:59] Speaker B: Yeah. So yeah, whoever is kind of watching or listening to this content, we really hope that this has kind of hit something that's really important to you. Either a queer person who's never engaged with counseling because you are worried about what might happen, we've really pulled that issue apart and really encourage people to try to find a queer therapist.
Or if you're someone that has been through a tricky relationship with a straight counselor, or any counselor for that matter, it's really important. I really encourage you to find a right fit that feels supportive and safe.
And you can definitely jump on our website and we've got our website link in the comment section. But if you like this content, please like, please subscribe. Sign Up Share this with your friends, your loved ones, co workers, whoever and and please remember that Safe Place Therapy is your safe place to talk and reach out for help if you need to. So thanks Soph, and we'll chat again soon.
[00:40:03] Speaker A: Hey, yeah, no worries. Sounds good. That was fun.
[00:40:06] Speaker B: Awesome.
